Monday, November 15, 2010

Adoption... A Blessing and a Challenge

We have been blessed to have adopted our youngest two children.  However, with the blessings of adoptions come the challenges. 

  • No one can really tell you how much contact with a biological family is good/bad. 
  • No one can really tell you how old to start such contact.
  • No one can tell you how to help children navigate the strong feelings of abandonment that adopted children have. 
  • No one can tell you how to talk to your kids about their adoptions and family the "best way"
  • No one can tell you how to help heal the hurts of the past.

No one really knows for sure. It is individual. It is a nebulous area of "what do you think is best?"   

I struggle with this sooo much.  How do I help my babies if no one can tell me what to do?

If I do this wrong,... If I mess up this conversation about: her mom, her dad, his mom, his dad, their families... will that impact them forever?  Will it cause them a lifetime of pain?   Will it make things worse?   How do I spare them the pain I know is inevitable in their lives?

Tonight I hope I did it right. Chloe and I talked about her journey to our family, her tummy mommy and daddy and who they are. We talked about why her and Josiah look alike in baby pictures.  We talked about how permanent adoption is and that you can only be adopted one time.  It is forever, and ever. 

She yearns for these conversations.  She has known she was adopted for a long time. This was not our first conversation.  Each time I pray for wisdom and try to organize the feelings, and ease the hurt i know she doesn't understand yet.

Heavenly Father,   Please guard my children's hearts and help them to heal.  I love them so much. You gave them to me to watch,  protect, love, and train to follow you.  I  know the road ahead for them will be littered with trials and tribulations.  I know that You know their pain and can heal their hurts.   Give me wisdom in every  conversation that I have, that I may speak words of truth into their hearts. That they will know that their birth parents loved them, but could not care for them.  That you chose our family to be their forever family.  Keep them safe from the darkness the enemy will try to bring to the beautiful thing adoption is.   


  1. love it...It is individual. We don't have the option of finding birth parents...*sigh* hard, hard, hard. Thanks for being honest and sharing this.

  2. Thanks Stephanie, I know we have sooo much more to share with our kids and the option of potentially helping them to find their birth families one day. That is a blessing. I cannot imagine how much harder it would be with so little answers. You are truly great friends. It is awesome to have other adoptive families to share things with. Also other adopted children for my children to be friends with as well!

  3. I think you are doing great. God will and does protect our children both from the things we can't and from our mistakes. The fact that you are praying and making your best loving effort makes all the difference. God will bless it.